I wish I could teleport
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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