Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
