All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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