Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
