I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
