And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
