i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
