my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
