My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
