I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
