i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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