uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
