And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
