I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
