I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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