So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
