Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
