I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
