Will you blow on my dice?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
