I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
