You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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