I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
