I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
