I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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