He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
