The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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