Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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