tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
