ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
