i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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