I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
