dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
