dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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