Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
