last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
