The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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