Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
