After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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