Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
