I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
