All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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