I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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