i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
