I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
