dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
