So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
