Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
