My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
