the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
