either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
