you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
